For The Love Of Learning (Thoughts)

Core Differences Between Austrian & American Parenting

Over the summer, some friends treated us to a belated birthday brunch at a picturesque location on a hill overlooking Graz. Over the sun-kissed meal, I witnessed our friends on high-alert mode as their 1 and 3-year-olds chewed on pre-buttered rolls, waltzed around a nearby playground (winding up, inexplicably, on its rooftops), and spoke in a non-decipherable language that we all tried nevertheless to understand (actually, I’m pretty sure his mother did understand). Watching our friends — especially since Steve and I are currently ohne Kinder — it dawned on me what a massively impressive feat this all was: raising small kids. A non-stop, all-consuming endeavor.

Moreover, since moving to Austria, I have observed a type of parenting style I rarely witnessed living in America; something I’ll call total parenting, in which children spend the first 2-6 years of their lives exclusively with their parents -- or most moments of most days. Given the normalcy of maternity/paternity leave in Europe (mothers and fathers often alternate taking 2 years at home with their infants/toddlers/young children before returning to work) this style is possible, encouraged, and even considered something of a norm. 

Observing our friends watch their children vigilantly, I wondered how it all might affect learning an instrument. If so much energy goes into simply living out the day, making sure kids are fed, clothed, clean(ish), happy, exercised, and engaged, how on earth would music lessons fit into this equation? If so much energy is exerted simply in living, is learning at home even important? 

While many Austrian parents raise their children without “outside” help for the first many years, the majority of American parents return to full-time jobs, often shortly after the birth of their child. Because these parents have less time with their children on a daily basis, perhaps there is an added motivation, or pressure, to make the “most” of the time they do have together by doing “productive” activities, such as learning the alphabet, new songs, arithmetic, and even a musical instrument. Americans are, by and large, extremely competitive, a trait that is bequeathed onto offspring at a young age. In the name of “setting kids up for success” parents put their 1-year-olds on piano studio waitlists, teach them the kindergarten curriculum at the age of 3, enroll them in pricey “accelerated” pre-schools, and use every opportunity available to funnel information into their young brains so that they can be one (or preferably five) steps ahead. 

So which is better? While I am in awe of many American children (and their families) who have flown through many Suzuki books, become Taekwondo black belts, and speak 3 languages by age 7, it is worth considering whether this is perhaps too much edification and the wonder of being a child — roaming a field, searching for critters in the pond, and enjoying a simple moment baking banana bread — is lost. On the other hand, perhaps there is not enough direction when all of a child’s early life is play-based, and these profoundly magical years of learning without effort aren’t used to their full potential. I wonder what an approach in the middle would look like, where the first six years of a child’s life are spent in a nurturing environment that naturally caters to acquiring new skills.

Learning At Home - Ideal Everywhere

Regardless of cultural norms, most of us (who are lucky to exist in a physical state where survival itself is not a pressing topic) can agree that the ideal home situation is a place where children do indeed spend considerable time learning daily with the participation and support of parents who are present, loving and emotionally available. Aside from learning an instrument, cooking, tidying, painting, building, laundry, plant-care, crafting, and physical exercise are all activities that may be taught at an early age (beginning as young as 12-18 months) at home that will benefit children throughout their lives and double as a bonding opportunity. After all, how many of us go into fields or enjoy particular hobbies simply because of beloved memories from childhood? Anecdotally, I can attest that the overwhelming amount of musicians Steve and I know went into the field due to early life experiences. The same is often true for chefs, artists, teachers, humanitarian workers, and even software developers and engineers. “My dad gave me a computer when I was 6, so I started coding…” (While I personally can’t relate to this, it is pretty awesome.)

“...the ideal home situation is a place where children do indeed spend time learning with the participation and support of parents who are present, loving and emotionally available to their young children...”

Moreover, doctors now state that a lifelong love of learning will help deter brain dysfunctioning - which manifests as terrible diseases like Alzheimer’s. According to world-renowned brain doctor Daniel Amen, when our brains stop learning, they begin to die and physically shrink. Therefore, there is a particular added benefit to teaching children to enjoy learning at a young age: their life’s longevity. 

The Beauty of Figuring It Out — Together

For better or worse, life doesn’t give us a guidebook. For most of the big and small decisions we make, we’ve got to figure it out. The ability to manage complex information and make decisions is perhaps the most useful tool of music lessons and learning together at home. Furthermore, when parents study an instrument alongside their children, they go through this ‘figuring it out’ process day after day - whether it’s clapping a new rhythm, locating the correct note, or listening intently for the most beautiful sound. 

As a team, parents and their children learn how to set (and stick to) a routine (critical for children, by the way), manage practice time, execute dozens of repetitions (the real magic potion when it comes to getting good at anything), handle stress (not getting something right away), and celebrate the fruits of consistent discipline (a polished piece or beautiful performance). Teamwork is the future of education and will perhaps save the world from climate change and future unnecessary bloodshed - why not model this in our own homes? Children will see the power of harnessing togetherness - multiple brains and bodies co-existing, collaborating, commiserating (at times) and succeeding (inching forward). 

“Children will see the power of harnessing togetherness - multiple brains and bodies co-existing, collaborating, commiserating (at times) and succeeding (inching forward). ”

Regardless of parenting style, where you live, or how much time you decide (or can) spend together with your children during the first years of their active learning lives, modeling a love of learning lifestyle will benefit all parties involved. Investing in learning to love the acquisition and mastery of skills will yield potentially life-extending and life-enhancing returns. So what’s to lose? 

Finally, to contextualize this within a historical perspective, teaching children at home has always been the norm. Until a few hundred years ago, the idea of sending your child daily to strangers to receive their education was untenable and unthinkable. A little over two hundred years ago, little Schubert and Beethoven were taught by their parents to love and play instruments. After displaying extreme interest and ability, they would receive special guidance from master teachers, but the base of their early education was at home. (The common denominator of every single well-known classical composer is an early music education beginning at birth.) Similarly, children learned to cook, clean, manage the house, run farms and sew clothing in addition to intellectual pursuits such as numbers, letters and ideas. So what happened? We got busier, and and busier, and busier. In the age of iPads, apps, tutors, modern 8 hr/day schools, and a global trend toward “outsourcing,” have we completely lost the magic of learning at home? Whatever the vehicle or the passion, home should always be a school, whether it is learning to build a birdhouse, bake cookies, fold clothes, plant vegetables, read books, write stories, learn an instrument. Wouldn’t homes be happier, more grounding places if we sought out this learning magic every day? 

Conclusions

From the hundreds of families I’ve now worked with - and all their lovable idiocyncratic parenting styles (because they all want the best for their children in the end) - those that prioritize a love for learning in their living rooms have appeared the most happy. Due to the non-stop and all-consuming nature of all parenting, perhaps it’s learning itself that keeps families united, stepping forward together, one foot at a time.